There is a book called "50 Scientifically Proven Ways to be Persuasive" by Robert B. Cialdini. I read a re-cap on the 50 today and found myself in awe with at least 15 of them. Number 13 is "As Time goes by, the value of a favor increases in the eyes on the favor-giver, and decreases in the eyes of the favor-receiver." Well ain't that some bologna!
The re-cap consisted of this "Researchers asked a group of people in the random office environment to exchange favors and then rate the value of the given/received favor in their eyes. A few weeks later the same employees were reminded of the favor, and asked to evaluate the favor again. Favor-givers consistently assigned higher value to a given favor, while as the time passed by, favor-receivers tended to assign lower value to the received favor."
Well, I'm a big favor-doer and I like helping others. I'm quick to volunteer to help and I genuinely do not think much, if any of anything in return. This sort of mentality makes me re-think who it is I'm going to help in the future. Luckily I've already had the not giving a shit attitude as part of my new year's resolution so I'm off to a good start.
What this proves to me is a few things. Most definitely the "What have you done for me lately" attitude is applied by everyone, even on a personal level. That people will always be fighting an uphill battle because society holds on to negativity much longer than they do positives.
Then finally that people, by nature are forgetful.
As the favor giver you have given your time, thought, maybe money, maybe more...but you have given (hopefully unselfishly) to someone else. As humans we enjoy recognition when we do something good or nice, it shouldn't be the motive behind it, but it would be unrealistic to deny wanting a pat on the back. As the favor receiver... well we wouldn't have asked if there wasn't some chance that the person would say yes, would we? and hell...people are still good right? So of course as time passes we will be on to the next thing, slightly remembering the favor, but onto other importance's in our life. After all the receiver receives, and we as humans are much more likely to emotionally connect losing something, then gaining. They say thank you in the moment, maybe send a thank you card or give a phone call to thank again the next day, but then are on to the next chapter.
So take form this what you will. When you're the giver...be happy that they said thank you at all I guess, and if you need a pat on the back then think twice about whom you do favors for. As the receiver....we gotta lot of work to do here. Say thank you of course, expect to return the favor if possible and most importantly in a week or so...follow-up with another thank you. The bigger the favor, the larger the thank you obviously.
I love Cialdini but think that study is BS. It just proves that people in random office environments have selfish viewpoints when it comes to their co-workers.
ReplyDeleteThere was another study (nope, don't have a link to it) that indicated both the giver and reciever of an act of kindness had serotonin spikes in the brain, regardless of whether recognition was given to the giver.
I'm still grateful for little things people have done for me throughout my life that were no big deal to the "giver" of the favor. And others have reminded me about things that I did for them ages ago and had forgotten about... because I never expected anything in return.
Maybe it's the difference between a begrudgingly done "favor" and an actual good deed.
Cool blog btw
I agree... But I do still think after time a favor becomes less of a big deal to the receiver for probably a few reasons, then again everything usually has exceptions.
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