After being in the air and airports for 16 hours the past week I have come up with a few nicknames that I'd like to share for some travelers and passerbyers that I have encountered traveling the past few years. I'm sure you've seen some of the same, but if not beware, and if you have more to add, please do.
10. The Eater - This is the person who seems to constantly be eating the entire time. Before pre-boarding, chewing on gum during boarding, takes out a snack as soon as they sit down and then continues to eat almost until the plane lands. I wonder if they eat that much on a regular day.
9. The Lovers - This is the annoying couple that travels together and is constantly holding hands, constantly kissing and constantly feeling the need to express their love for one another in the confined area that everyone else is sharing.
8. The Barbie - This chick just baffles me. I like to be as comfortable as possible on a plane. Sweats, maybe jeans, sneakers, and a regular shirt. The Barbie is dressed to go to out. I get business class and all that, but they are clearly not flying that. Full face of make-up, spent an hour on her hair...who has the time?
7. The Patchouli's - These are the jerks that wear so much perfume or cologne that you can't help but have watering eyes and a burning nostrils. The reason I call them this is because if there is one vile smell in the world it is that of the hippie's, which is Patchouli. I don't know who invented it or why they like it, but in the case of an airplane and traveling all strong scents make me feel just like that one does. Nauseous.
6. Virgins - The douche who has never flown before, well not recently and is making an incredibly big scene and pissing everyone on the plane off because no one wants to listen to him or more importantly have a late take off due to his need for attention. You bought the ticket, you came to the airport, now someone give them a Valium.
5. The Mouth - This person desperately needs a friend, and you unfortunately just got stuck next to them for some hours of time.
4. Octomom - The woman flying with her 2 or 3 out of control children. Muzzles....I know, it's horrible...but stuck on a plane in the same row as them for 2 hours and you will have much worse thoughts than that.
3. PIC - Partner in Crime, this is the person you want to sit next to you. They bring their own DVD player with a movie, they eat like a normal person, maybe not even at all, have magazines to share and they get up to go to the bathroom at a decent rate so everyone is on the same page. These are the people you pray to be around.
2. Idlers/Cutters - These people piss me off. When the plane stops, we all know we need to get our carry ons and personal items, and be prepared to move when it's our rows turn. Not you idlers...you wait until everyone is giving you their full attention until you realize WTF is going on.("Oh, haha we're getting off, let me get my things" (Sure thanks asshole, the woman behind me just coughed on me 3 times while I was standing uncomfortably with my neck sideways waiting considerately so that everyone could hurry off the plane). Not to mention the Cutters behind me are sneaking their way up because THEY don't know what wait for your row means. Obviously someone has never been to church during communion.
1. This one is worst of all. I don't even have a name for these people and worst of all it doesn't happen on the plane, to give you the walk to Baggage Claim to cool off and realize you are fine because you have reached your destination and can breath. It is the jerks AT BAGGAGE CLAIM. Really? how close do you need to get to the belt to see your bag? Also, question...do you, your husband, your mother and father and your 2 children really need to look for the luggage? If my bag swings and hits one of your 14 family members standing at the side leaning over as if you don't see it when it comes by you the magic wall it disappears into will eat it, I WILL NOT FEEL BAD, I will giggle, LOUDLY!
Ahhhh! Traveling...I once told a friend...I need a travel machine...he told me: "You have one, your car!" Beam me up Scotty!
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