I've come to the conclusion that sounding smart is not that difficult. There are a few (this is a loaded statement) different personalities in this world. I am currently going to rant about the ones that speak in public. I don't' necessarily mean actual public speakers, but say a sales person pitching to a client, a judge, a lawyer, and anyone who is trying to state an opinion or point of view to another person. I'm going to start off with that idiot wacko of an ex American Idol judge, Paula Abdul. Yes, we all loved Black Cat and Opposites Attract, but in a world of what have you done for me lately we know her as basically tits on a bowl that danced like a maniac on one too many seasons of AI. I will admit that sometimes I thought Paula was going to actually say something constructive and then I wound up so confused by the end of her statement that I felt as though i had missed half the critique. For examp, she would start with an analogy along the lines of: that really brought out the different colors in your voice (pause here). Now to someone like me who is watching this show for pure entertainment and knows nothing about critiquing a voice except for either chills on my arms or STFU, I think I am about to learn something about the colors of a voice. Maybe blue would be the equivalent of a low tone and then red as a segway into something (see I already have no idea what I'm talking about) however...no she then goes to babble about god knows what and does not even clarify what any of it means, and just trails off with ending something like...... so I love your pants. At that point the contestant is so confused, but heard love and knows Simon is next so nothing is heard, which makes her valueless.
Now to the "Opposite" of that (no reference intended), we have people who start off like Paula, they may lose you for a moment, but then make another analogy that you understand and either agree with, never thought of, or makes you think. We like being challenged, so this is a great start to labeling a smarty pants. At this moment, this person could now trail of and say blah blah blah, then end with a statement, tying their whole point together and leaving you with either a "I totally agree" or "Hmmm...Interesting". Go ahead and throw out an astonishing fact that blows people away, and well...now you're an expert.
I compare it to my golf game. I can drive the ball, people are normally impressed with my actions from right off the tee. It tends to go straight, far (for a chick) and sounds PGA-ish when my club hits the ball. I suck with my irons, it could ruin the game for me, but sometimes i will impress myself with hitting a perfect ball or two. Rarely, the entire hole is astonishing, but mostly it's just getting from point A to B by hitting a few yards up the fairway killing any moles and making divots the entire way. People tend to forgive this, blame it on me not concentrating, or state that everyone has a bad hole. This is because they are still remembering my drive. Now my putting, thanks to an awesome client of mine, is pretty damn good. This is where it counts. It's the last that people will remember how you did on this hole, it's your closing statement. The reason people tend to remember the drive and the putt is because they are involved in their own game and their own interferences during the middle game that they aren't really paying too much attention to what is going on in your world. Exactly like they would if they are still thinking about your "opening statements".
So although I'm no expert, my Anti-Paula advice so you don't sound like an asshole would be do not try to make a statement just to talk and sound smart. If you don't know something or have a question, definitely ask or say something like "I could be wrong, but is blah blah blah" - if someone knows they will correct you. People loooove sharing their knowledge of things. If you want to sound like an expert, you better know your shit (and not have one hit record and a dance with a cat). If not, it's okay to say "I don't know" or to not say anything (what a concept). Always have a point and back up your beliefs. And if all else fails, just say "UR MOM". It always wins battles!
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